Stop the reality TV train, I want to get off. Because I feel sick.
A few months ago, Channel 4 finally reached the climax of ill-advised, exploitative, creepy and derogatory television when they made Sex Box. This premise was more suited to the wastepaper basket of Aldous Huxley than to British televisions. It was pretty skin-crawling. Various couples would go into a box, have sex on cue and then come out and talk about it. None of them were crack addicts either, which makes this whole thing even more baffling. How did Channel 4 convince anyone who isn’t desperately addicted to chemical substances to do this? Anyway, they’ve just done something else. Their latest brainwave, through slightly less dystopian than Sex Box, is still so depressing that it makes me want to cover the windows of my house with newspaper, order a year’s supply of tomato soup online from Tesco and never leave my armchair other than to feed my cat, who will eventually become so fat she will get stuck in her cat flap and die, leaving me utterly and entirely alone to eat (cold) tinned tomato soup (straight from the tin) and watch repeats of Bargain Hunt until I finally succumb to madness. This would be preferable to living in the world that Channel 4 currently thinks is acceptable. In their upcoming television brainwave Married at First Sight, six single people will meet somebody for the first time at the altar and then marry them. Channel 4’s beasts of burden (that is, camera crews) will then follow the couples around and watch them slowly realise the hell that they have willingly entered, for money and brief piteous fame.
Below you can see a snippet of Sex Box (trust me it’s enough), but this isn’t even the worst example. Over the following pages are the most horrible, exploitative reality television shows to ever exist. If you’d like my advice, Baxter’s tomato soup is much better than Campbell’s.