We cast the players for the inevitable hacking scandal movie. Daniel Day-Lewis for Rebekah Brooks? You’re goddamn right.
And with its latest twist, the great phone hacking scandal all but ensures a great Hollywood jamboree (as soon as all this pesky legal business is sorted). A big screen adap is coming and it’s coming soon. Hollywood, void of any actual ideas, has become desperately impatient to filmify every thing and every one as soon as it gets the chance. Steve Jobs was dead for all of eight months before production began on his first biopic. Julian Assange was (and still is) testing Ecuador’s good hosting manners when Benny Cumberbatch donned grey for a day and began leaking things on the big screen. So, with a very celebrity inquiry, scandals out the wazoo, and now a sex affair thing, the hacking scandal will make a helluva movie. But who’d be in it?
Daniel Day-Lewis IS Rebekah Brooks
He was disabled in My Left Foot, gay in My Beautiful Launderette, mustachioed in There Will Be Blood and Italian in Nine, but this would be undoubtedly be the esteemed actor’s greatest challenge: a red head. Oscar glory guaranteed.
Colin Firth IS Andy Coulson
Sans his trademark specs, Mr Coulson is more like Mr Darcy. He inspires poetry straight out of a Richard Curtis film: “the fact is you are my very best friend, I tell you everything, I confide in you, I seek your advice, I love you, care about you, worry about you, we laugh and cry together.”
Tim Roth IS Glenn Mulcaire
Rothy really captures the leathery skin of NoTW’s phone hacking hero. And he often looks like a meanie.
Patrick Stewart IS Lord Justice Leveson
Having played Picard and X, Patrick’s got the professorial chops for Levy Lord Justice.
Anthony Hopkins IS Rupert Murdoch
Murdoch makes Lecter look like a pansy.
Michael Sheen IS Tony Blair, Gordon Brown & David Cameron
Mighty mimic Michael has already proved adept at being Blair, so why not have him try Brown and Cameron too? They aren’t all that different.
Steve Coogan IS Steve Coogan
Forget Hugh Grant, there’s only room for one crusading actor, and Coogan is way more fun.
Featured image: World Economic Forum (via Flickr)
Inset images: Entertainment Film Distributors; Fox; The Weinstein Company; StudioCanal UK. Wikimedia Commons. World Economic Forum; wnyc; Giuseppe Nicoloro; Scottish Labour; Josh Jensen; markbach (all via Flickr)