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Gamer’s guide to getting girls

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Being a Gamer doesn’t have to mean dying alone in a puddle of Pot Noodle and self-loathing (other disgusting meals for 1 are available in all fine food stores)

According to Uberfacts, that bastion of reliable information, 90% of stereotypes are true. To the great misfortune of the brotherhood of gamers, the view that permeates through large swathes of society is the concept that gamers are possibly the most romantically inept and deprived bunch (equalled only by the chess society). Why is it that you don’t connect the word ‘gamer’ with ‘lothario’ or ‘charmer’ or, better yet, ‘furious lover’? The great Casanova himself was never much of a gamer (though mainly due to time constraints of course, 215 of those years to be precise).

Hollywood didn’t do much to correct this sin against the D-Pad legion either. When was the last time you saw Hugh Grant take on the role of a part time CeX Exchange worker trying his desperate most to woo Martine Mccutcheon with his foppish hair, and dandyish charm? Gamers were instead represented by your bong-hitting, basement-dwelling, grease-laden teen that would sooner pilfer a ladies’ purse than treat her to a candle-lit dinner.

But fear not. Half a decade’s worth of geek-chic uprising has swung the best part of sexy into the court of the gamer. Let’s all give a collective round of applause to David Tennant for his geekified performance in Doctor Who, and whoever decided girls look sexy in hipster glasses.

Cosplay

Gamers are like lobsters, or crackheads. They stay together forever. Nothing says true love like a shared PSN account, does it? It’s the finding and attracting of a Cosplay cutie that is the problem. Lurking around in GAME approaching the few ladywomen type is hardly inducive to Casablanca-esque romances. The answer however lies in reverse. First you must find the average ladywoman type, and then get her addicted to the crack (by crack I mean videogames of course). After all, is there anyone who’s played Skyrim for more than an hour who can truly say they cannot envisage themselves spending the next 100 hours in the same spot? All the pleasure that said ladywoman will get from button bashing will invariably translate into button undoing. And thankfully the likes of CandyCrush and FarmVille have acted as gateway drugs, making the move on to the harder shit like The Last of Us or Portal 2 a little smoother.

Epilogue: For those who need that extra push in luring a female, here is a selection of gaming related romance lines to make anyone knee-bucklingly weak:

Back to mine for a few hours of Skyrimming?

Things will become much clearer once I put my HDMI cable in the back of your system.

How about we saunter back to my room so I can show you my combination of Up, Down, Left and Right, followed by Circle and XXX.

Are you a Soviet Terrorist? Because I think a proximity mine just went off in my pants (or heart, for the less dirty-minded).

 

Feel free to add to the list of video gaming chat up lines in the comment section below.

 

Images via Flickr, eRin Garrett, Michael Mol

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